Cara's Confessions

I confess. I cheated and I'm scared and I'm kind of done ... well sort of done ... kind of. I know I sound like a whiner but let me explain. It took me a while to write my latest blog entry because of my confessions. It all started during the long weekend. I had no plans at all and was happy about that until the long weekend actually arrived. Everyone was talking about their plans ... Camping, partying, dates, dinners, visiting family, hosting family ... None of that for me. Don't camp. Not partying. No dates. Dinners at home. Family too far away (sniff, sniff). I can't do most of these things since I'm dieting for my photo shoot. So with all this free time I started to feel lonely. And I realized that as a competitor we really sacrifice a lot ... including our social lives ... to do what we do. And it's admirable and inspiring and we're so disciplined and have great willpower etc. Which is all great stuff. But this past weekend I wanted to have fun. I didn't want to have to think about what and when I had to eat/drink. I didn't want to have to worry about when my next cardio session was going to be. I wanted to go out a enjoy a beautiful bottle of wine. I'm sick of turning down invitations from friends. So to soothe my loneliness I ate a sweet treat. It was damn good. Sort of felt guilty. But got over after an awesome training session. But in my moment of weakness I was reminded that I'm a social creature. I need social interaction despite how independent I am. And it's difficult to do that when you have a clean-eating and training goal. But I need a break. I still want to train hard and set other fitness goals that have nothing to do with how my body looks but maybe how my body works ... something where I don't have to measure and weigh everything. AND how about setting goals that have nothing to do with fitness at all. That's it. That's my long weekend epiphany: life balance.

So what's scaring me? The photo shoot. Almost as nerve-wracking as a competition. I'm excited about it though. 10 more sleeps!!!