Cara's Confessions

I confess. I cheated and I'm scared and I'm kind of done ... well sort of done ... kind of. I know I sound like a whiner but let me explain. It took me a while to write my latest blog entry because of my confessions. It all started during the long weekend. I had no plans at all and was happy about that until the long weekend actually arrived. Everyone was talking about their plans ... Camping, partying, dates, dinners, visiting family, hosting family ... None of that for me. Don't camp. Not partying. No dates. Dinners at home. Family too far away (sniff, sniff). I can't do most of these things since I'm dieting for my photo shoot. So with all this free time I started to feel lonely. And I realized that as a competitor we really sacrifice a lot ... including our social lives ... to do what we do. And it's admirable and inspiring and we're so disciplined and have great willpower etc. Which is all great stuff. But this past weekend I wanted to have fun. I didn't want to have to think about what and when I had to eat/drink. I didn't want to have to worry about when my next cardio session was going to be. I wanted to go out a enjoy a beautiful bottle of wine. I'm sick of turning down invitations from friends. So to soothe my loneliness I ate a sweet treat. It was damn good. Sort of felt guilty. But got over after an awesome training session. But in my moment of weakness I was reminded that I'm a social creature. I need social interaction despite how independent I am. And it's difficult to do that when you have a clean-eating and training goal. But I need a break. I still want to train hard and set other fitness goals that have nothing to do with how my body looks but maybe how my body works ... something where I don't have to measure and weigh everything. AND how about setting goals that have nothing to do with fitness at all. That's it. That's my long weekend epiphany: life balance.

So what's scaring me? The photo shoot. Almost as nerve-wracking as a competition. I'm excited about it though. 10 more sleeps!!!

G.O.A.L.!

I've got a G.O.A.L.! I'm Going for it! Even though it's Out of my comfort zone! But it's time to Awaken my inner diva! And about the journey? Lovin' it!

I've finally regained conciousness after my post-competition food-a-palooza. I don't think I went totally overboard but I did have all of my favorite things. Burgers, pizza, red wine and of course Crave cupcakes! But I had to rein it in before all that hard work to lean out my body disappeared. So here's my new motivation: Another fitness goal! I finally decided what it will be. First, my short term goal. I've decided to take part in the Fitness Shoot Out put on by pro fitness model Annette "Awesome" Milbers and #1 fitness photographer David "Gettin' it done" Ford. It's totally out of my comfort zone ... the "modeling" thing ... But I've heard these guys are so good, they will make me feel and look like a fitness model by the end of it. Hope so! In the meantime, I'm trying a different training program that's kicking my ass. Which is great because I only have just under three weeks to go! Freakin' out a bit. :)

My second (long term) goal is ... Well I'm not totally sure on that one yet. So you'll just have to stay tuned!

No Fairy Tale Ending

Wow ... months and months of hard work ... doing hours and hours of cardio ... lifting pounds and pounds of weight ... eating lots and lots of clean food ... then spending minutes on stage showing it off. What an experience! I won Masters Figure Tall. But for me ... it wasn't the fairy tale ending that I had visualized for weeks as I prepared for this competition. I invited so many people to follow me on this journey through my blog. So many people encouraged me along the way. So many people saw my progress. So many people anticipating great things on stage. I wanted to give YOU something more ... because you gave ME so much ... so much L.O.V.E.! Well I can't lie and say I was "just thrilled to make it on stage". I wanted the big prize. But I didn't get it. Well ... let me rephrase that ... I didn't get the big prize given out at the show ... but more on that later. I want to whine a little more first ... because I can. It's my blog and I can whine if I want to ... hahaha! I wanted to be "the best" but I wasn't. I wanted to give all of you who followed me something more to celebrate ... something more to be inspired by. I wanted to give myself that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it and work hard" feeling. I wanted to be the SUPERSTAR! Before I continue I have to say that ALL the women who won awards last night were definitely deserving!!!

My eyes opened at 4:30 this morning thinking about what went "wrong" ... what I could have done better ... what I did ... what I didn't do ... and I even thought for a moment "How embarrassing. I encourage all these people to follow me and this is what I give them???" Sigh ... okay I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I just had to get it out of my system ... since I can't work it out in the gym for at least a week (gotta rest the body for a while).

Done with the negative thoughts! Let's move on ...

So let's talk about all the absolutely WONDERFUL things about this journey. First ... all of the L.O.V.E. I received from all of you ... words cannot express how AWESOME it made me feel to get all the messages of support yesterday ... and throughout my journey ... I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it! It was an incredible show of support. It was the BEST part!!!!! The next best part? All the AMAZING women I met along the way ... and at the show! Darci, Brandi, Julie ... were my faves! You guys ROCK!

And the journey itself was awesome. I love training. It's my stress release. I feel happy when I'm working out. I often break out into a big grin when I'm sweating it out on the treadmill. LOVE IT! I didn't hate dieting (can't say I really loved it though ... hahaha ... who does?) I can't wait to get back into the gym ... but I know ... I need to rest for at least a week ... that will be tough.

So going forward ... no more pity party. First things first ... rest, relax, enjoy some of the food I've been missing (in moderation of course!), get feedback from the judges and my trainers, and start planning for the next challenge ... and I haven't completely decided what that's going to be yet ... but I do have some ideas! I'm open to suggestions as well.

Stay tuned! Just because that competition is over ... doesn't mean I'm done yet!

L.O.V.E.!